What is love?
Age-old question right? You ask and older people always say, "well there's no good answer to that." You walk away think yeah right and vow to discover the answer yourself, only to discover that they were actually right all along. But if there is no straight answer, how in the world do you define it? How do you know?
My first marriage was absolutely beautiful. It was the perfect fall day: a crisp breeze, bright sunshine and beautiful colors. My uniform was pressed and pleated, my flower ring was gorgeous, and my five year old future husband looking very handsome in his dress shirt. It was never made legal, of course, but we were quite the kindergarten couple.
But I wasn't in love. I sure thought I was (how could you not at 6 years old?) Then, first grade rolled around and all of a sudden, my husband didn't want to play on the playground with me anymore. He didn't want to swing, or play cards, or anything - he didn't even want to be friends. I was so upset I went home in tears. My mom comforted me, and I turned to her and said, "mom, you don't understand, once you put your love in someone you can never get it back!" I had no idea how insightful those words were at the time, and how true they would become in my life.
I didn't have any other marriages during my elementary school years, and as I progressed into middle school, and then into high school, boys started to come and go. Most were just good friends, others were actual interests. As I started to get the hang of the dating game, I realized how right I was as a little girl.
Every guy I was interested in that came and went took a little piece of me with them. I couldn't help it - it's the type of person I am. When I date, I invest in someone. I put in time and consideration (as I assume most women do). And when those guys leave, it's impossible to get that piece of me that I put into them back. So they take it, whether they mean to or not.
I used to think that when I found the person I was meant to be with I would just know. That instantly it would click and we would live happily ever after. (That's what Disney movies led me to believe.) Now, however, I'm not so sure. Is it possible that a click can happen with more than one person? Is your soulmate really one person, or is it a bunch of people? Is the long-term what really counts and not the spark?
I'm a sappy romantic. I absolutely love flowers, home-cooked meals, walking on the beach, slow-dancing - I could go on for hours. Courting and chivalrous men used to exist in the world. But I haven't met a single one yet. This is also a trend I see with many of my friends - all they want is to be courted with flowers, gifts, etc, but there's not a man yet that's done it.
There's a quote from one of my new favorite movies that almost perfectly fits this: "I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason" - Easy A.
Life is tough. Love is harder. And being a teenager going through both? That's the worst.
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