new chapters...get ready boys

Previously, I've been directing this blog towards the weird things that happen to me on a daily basis and my experience in relationships. But lately, I've been inspired by twitter and my friends to direct this blog more towards boys. 


Now, I know what you're thinking - oh great another girl in her early twenties giving advice about the male gender (and yes I did finally graduate from my teens). But my best friend and I were comparing notes about our relationships since we're basically dating the same boy (not the same, but so similar it's kind of laughable) and we decided that the majority of men are rather clueless when it comes to dating. There are some exceptions - if you're on twitter, Son of a Fratter is basically the one large exception to this rule. Boys (if boys even read blogs) follow him, follow his advice, and I promise you will find the lady you've always dreamed of. 


If you ask a woman, dating is not that difficult. Men - my boyfriend included - love to roll their eyes at this comment, but in all honesty it really isn't that hard. My mom (gotta love her) compared dating to one of her favorite tv shows, Dancing With The Stars - there are some basic steps and a few more advanced moves, then you make it your own and come out with a perfect 30. Thanks, mom...


Be forewarned, I will be giving advice to girls too. It will, in majority, be a resource for you to pull up on your laptop, show your boyfriend, and point and say (with gusto) hah!! (because you're not crazy) But, don't be surprised if there are a few things on there that he points to with the same amount of emphasis. A relationship is a two way street and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't. But, for the most part, it is the men that are the struggling half. 


With that being said, as far as advice goes, why not start at the beginning?


A first date, to me, is the deciding factor about a guy. If it goes horribly, if he's rude, if I'm uncomfortable all night...I know that it's not worth pursuing. (Don't freak out - yes there are exceptions, but there are exceptions to every rule. Keep that in mind in this blog.) Does this mean you have to throw down $100 on dinner + flowers + romantic walks in the park every time? NO (except maybe that last one). A first date should be fun and an awesome way for you to 'introduce' yourself to this person. You should be open, charming, and a true southern gentleman. So to help, here are the top five most important things to remember on a first date: 


1) PUT YOUR CELL PHONE AWAY. There is no bigger turn off then being at dinner with a new guy and having him constantly on his phone, muttering 'uh-huhs' and 'mmhmms' to what I'm saying when he has no idea what we're talking about. Does that mean you can't pull it out to check for a message? No - but don't pull it out every five minutes. That makes it look like we're boring and you're just counting the minutes until you can leave. Be respectful, try not to take any phone calls, and just enjoy the evening with us. 

2) Take charge of the date. We do not want to decide where to go. We will never tell you this, but it is true. Ask us what kind of place and/or food we like and then pick a place like that. Do not leave it up to us to choose. You are the man. Act like one.

3) Smile. When we arrive, smile. Maybe you are a tough guy. Maybe you are nervous. Maybe you are paralyzed. Either way, smile. Women are strange, exotic, intuitive creatures, and we respond well to positive reinforcement. Do not glower at us. You will scare us.

4) Be inquisitive. Or rather, ask questions. This seems obvious, but you'd be surprised how many times I've had to completely carry a conversation with a man. You know what women like? Attention. Also, puppies, flowers, and cupcakes. But that's beside the point. If you seem curious about the woman sitting across from you, she will appreciate the attention.

5) Manners. Not to sound creepy, but we are always watching you on a first date. From the things you say to whether or not you chew with your mouth closed, we are observing, because we're trying to judge whether or not you're worth a pursuit. Remember the true southern gentleman thing? Well that comes into play here. Open the door for her at the restaurant, be charming in your conversation (please no 'funny' stories about your roommate's epic beer pong tournament that turned into a very messy night). Walk her home (or ride along in the cab), but whatever you do don't just leave right in front of the restaurant....can you say awkward? 

Hopefully this will help some of the more...challenged members of the male species in their efforts of snagging the perfect girl. Until next time!

That picture...

Have you ever come across a photo that made your life?

Whether it's on Facebook, Flickr, or in an old photo album, somewhere there is a picture that will make an event in your life completely worthwhile. For me, it was (yep you guessed it!) the most recent picture of my ex. Now, I'm not saying it was reaaally bad, I'm just saying I've never been more embarassed to have been associated with someone in my lifetime.

Ending a relationship and never getting closure can be one of the hardest experiences love brings. It's incredibly frustrating to never get to say those last few words you had stored up to put that person right in their place. If you've been following my other posts, you know that my ex and I broke things off nastily a year ago (actually a year ago today!!) and I still have things I would love to say to him. But honestly, this picture just about makes up for it.

The funniest part about this photo, is it was found on the very day I was considering reaching out to my ex. He had emailed me over Christmas, to which I never responded, but I had come to feel that we needed to reconnect somehow. And then as I was waiting for my email to load, I happened to glance through my newsfeed on Facebook and saw this picture.

I guess love blinds, because I can't remember him ever looking so awful when we were dating - in fact, the photos I have of us are quite sweet. But now..........balding, guyliner, and a double chin? I don't mean to be shallow, but I'm seriously embarassed that we ever dated. Even my friends were shocked.

This may seem incredibly shallow (I'm not daft - I do see it) but trust me, when you find your life-changing photograph, you'll understand exactly what I'm talking about. It's a fabulous feeling to know that the next time you see that person, if you ever see them, they can eat their heart out at how amazing you look.

Stream of Consciousness

One thing that has always been consistent in my life is my love of movies. I mean, everybody loves movies, but my perspective on them has always been a little bit different. Ever since I was little, I would put myself into the characters that I saw portrayed on the screen. You know, Nala from The Lion King, Ariel from The Little Mermaid, etc. I took the characters out of the film and into myself, and took on their personality traits for a little while. My mom's favorite was when we went to see Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (you know, that Lindsay Lohan movie from before she was crazy?) and I came out acting like a total bitch. It only lasts a few hours each time, but I can't help but draw characters from movies into myself.

Why is this relevant? Well, I just went to see the midnight premiere of The Vow. And I can't help but wonder what my life would be like if I lost years of my memories. Which of my former selves would I revert back to? It's hardest especially when I look at my life in this very moment, and look at my life exactly one year ago....and to see just how different they are. I'm a natural born writer - I've had a pencil in my hand since I could draw letters. I published my first novel at 17. And yet, it's been two years since then and the only thing substantial I've come up with is a few poorly written beginnings to decent stories. I honestly can't remember the last time I sat down to write a story, when a year ago that's all I wanted to do. So it's hard not to wonder, what changed?

I personally have changed a lot in the last year. I broke up with my first real boyfriend and my best friend of four years, and now we have zero communication whatsoever. I found a wonderful guy just two months later, and we've been together ever since. So in the last 12 months, I was single for a grand total of two. My excuse to get out of my old relationship was that I needed to figure myself out. That was, however, mostly true. Four years of my life were spent talking 24/7 with him. I didn't know who I was outside of my friendship and relationship with him. And I was dying to figure that out.

Two months isn't nearly enough time to figure out your world, but I was lucky to find someone to help me build it up again. Going on ten months....there's days when I hate his guts and days when I love him more than anything in the world. But that's how love should be. He listens to my opinions and accepts them for what they are. He doesn't try to change me to fit his beliefs or the way he thinks. We've both grown accustomed to each other, and quite frankly, we fit pretty much like puzzle pieces.

Also, in the last 12 months I also lost one of my dearest friends, regained him again, and then lost him to his own huberus once more. I had a girl go on a single-handed rampage against me and send my mental health spiraling southward for the first time in a long time...and over a missed invitation to a movie night no less. That ruined enough of my relationships with other people for many year's time...all crammed into one. The past 3 months have turned me into more of a hermit than I've ever been in my lifetime.

However, today, I'm happy (mostly - extenuating circumstances with other people ^^^ make that less of a possibility) but I don't have very much. My friends are mostly gone or have turned their back on me, my relationships with the people I really cared about have been destroyed, but I have a great boyfriend. A year ago, I was the most miserable I'd ever been but I had more friends than I could keep up with, there was always someone to talk to, and I never sat around at home like I do now. So my other question is, what's worse? My life today, or my life a year ago?

My mother overuses the phrase 'things happen for a reason,' but I'm a firm believer in karma and I believe that she's right. It doesn't make me any less confused as to why my life is the way it is right now, but it makes me trust, and that's something I've struggled with my whole life. A good friend of mine would tell me that now is the time to turn to the Lord and let him have everything that I'm dealing with...but I have extenuating circumstances with God as well. Being told you're not a 'good enough' Christian by 'devout Christians' isn't very Christian-like. I didn't like that.

I never got closure for most of the things that have happened to me in the last 12 months. When you wait on apologies....you eventually run out of patience. And there are many that I needed to here. Air that needed to be cleared. Some cases I tried to do it myself, others I didn't because it wasn't my responsibility. But there isn't a day that goes by that I wish the people featured in this post would be reading it - so they would understand just how I feel. What I went through. Maybe that would cause them to feel sorry.

Timon and Pumba said it best, "You've gotta put your behind in the past" until they changed it to "You've gotta put your past behind you." They're correct of course, but it's hard to truly follow that. It's one of my character flaws to never forget the things that happen to me. Life is always changing. I'm sure a year from today I'm going to be wondering why I was writing this post instead of doing the things I aspire to do and not be all frumpy. But for now, I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.

Keith Urban

You know that moment when you find the one song that describes your entire relationship with a boy? Well, today I found mine. I thought I already had in several different songs, but this one blew it all out of the water. I don't know if he reads this, but there's a part of me that really hopes he does. And that he pays attention to every single line from now until the end of this post.

"Stupid Boy" by Keith Urban

Well she was precious like a flower
She grew wild, wild but innocent
A perfect prayer in a desperate hour
She was everything beautiful and different

Stupid boy…you can’t fence that in
Stupid boy…it’s like holdin’ back the wind

She laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice
And that’s what happens when the only voice
She hears is telling her she can’t
Stupid boy
Stupid boy

So what made you think you could take a life
And just push it, push it around
I guess to build yourself up so high
You had to take her and break her down

She laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice
And that’s what happens when the only voice
She hears is telling her she can’t
Stupid boy
Stupid boy

You always had to be right
And now you lost the only thing that ever made you feel alive


She laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice
And that’s what happens when the only voice
She hears is telling her she can’t
Stupid boy
Stupid boy

She laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice
And that’s what happens when the only voice
She hears is telling her she can’t
Stupid boy
Stupid boy
Oh I’m the same old, same old stupid boy

It took awhile for her to figure out she could run
But when she did, she was long gone, long gone

if you love wine...

...like me, then you're gonna love this pin. Personally, there is nothing better than a glass of chardonnay. And having a whole wine cellar full of them? *cue hysterical giggle*

A descending staircase for a wine cellar in the floor of the kitchen.....I believe I would disguise the entrance a little better (solid wood floor instead of glass so my future children don't go 'seriously mom?') but the concept is still the same.

How do you feel about an descending wine cellar?